Initmacy
Conflict repair exercise
26/04/12
Robin Menard has created this conflict repair exercise by combining Dr. Sue Johnson’s work along with the work of John Gottman. In the past she found both exercises were missing important information. For instance Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight Conversation 4 exercise was excellent at helping couples get quickly in touch with deeper feelings but it was missing the listening/validating piece. The John Gottman exercise she used many times in her own relationship but found that having each person go over their side of the conflict in length can be slow getting to the “jist” of what happened and the deeper feelings. Sue Johnson’s exercise offers a quicker deeper solution. So here are the two exercises Robin combined together. Read More...
The three kinds of sex - Sue Johnson
14/04/12
Synchrony Sex
This is when emotional openness and responsiveness, tender touch and erotic exploration all come together. This is the sex that fulfills, satisfies and connects. The key prerequisite here is not wild sexual techniques but a safe emotional bond. The safer we feel emotionally, the more we can communicate, express our needs, play and explore our responses and relax into sexual feelings. Read More...
This is when emotional openness and responsiveness, tender touch and erotic exploration all come together. This is the sex that fulfills, satisfies and connects. The key prerequisite here is not wild sexual techniques but a safe emotional bond. The safer we feel emotionally, the more we can communicate, express our needs, play and explore our responses and relax into sexual feelings. Read More...
Becoming an expert on each other
04/02/12
Focus on helping each other become experts on one another; there is a shared responsibility for the emotional regulation of our partner; we need to rely on our experience of them to build expertise on who they are. We will be more contented in our relationships if we become experts at identifying dysregulation in our partner and successfully attend to them, aiding them back to self-regulation. Read More...
Erotic imagination
02/12/11
"You can only let go with someone who you feel is solid and is not going to be too fragile and will be able to resist and welcome even the raw edge of your desire and your lust." Read More...
Trauma before or during the marriage
23/11/11
"The marital relationship can be considered one of the most important elements of the recovery environment. The research of van der Kolk and his colleagues suggests that the ability to derive comfort from another human being predicts more powerfully than trauma history itself whether symptoms improve and whether self-destructive behavior can be regulated." Sue Johnson Read More...
Wine lose fights shorten life
23/11/11
Typical win lose fight sounds like I'm right you're wrong. They are zero sum games since one person's win is equalled by the other's loss. In marital arguments self-esteem is the wealth each is fighting for. This piece of research shows how deadly a pattern this is for men more so than for women. Read More...
Varieties of shame underlying fights
25/10/11
In an emotionally revealing way, Bradshaw shows us how toxic shame is the core problem in our compulsions, co-dependencies, addictions, and the drive to super-achieve, resulting in the breakdown in the family system and our inability to go forward with our lives.
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Caution in drawing conclusions from research
30/09/11
"A 15-year-long study found that a person’s happiness level before marriage was the best predictor of happiness after marriage. In other words, marriage won’t automatically make one happy." Is that true? Read More...
Recommendations for a stable marriage
05/09/11
“Emotional isolation is a more dangerous health risk than smoking or high blood pressure. We are designed to live in community and in close relationships. Love is not an intoxicating mixture of sex and infatuation. Instead love is having an emotional bond with others with whom we form “a safe haven from the storms of life. This type of love actually enables us to live longer, with less pain and sickness. Contact with a loving partner literally acts as a buffer against shock, stress, and pain." Sue Johnson Read More...
Self-silencing of sexual desire
27/08/11
"The problem is that in long-term relationships men are far more likely to retain their sexual drive than their partners. The No 1 sexual problem plaguing women is low libido which means couples everywhere are struggling with a mismatch in desire." Read More...