Attachment
Post-natal depression in men
06/07/12
There’s a widespread belief that antenatal and postnatal depression (PND) are experienced only by women, but research and anecdotal evidence suggest that PND can affect fathers too. Men suffering from PND need help and support to recover. Read More...
RU being gaslighted?
22/05/12
'The first stage is disbelief: when the first sign of gaslighting occurs. You think of the gaslighting interaction as a strange behaviour or an anomalous moment. During this first stage, things happen between you and your partner - or your boss, friend, family member - that seem odd to you.' Read More...
The three kinds of sex - Sue Johnson
14/04/12
Synchrony Sex
This is when emotional openness and responsiveness, tender touch and erotic exploration all come together. This is the sex that fulfills, satisfies and connects. The key prerequisite here is not wild sexual techniques but a safe emotional bond. The safer we feel emotionally, the more we can communicate, express our needs, play and explore our responses and relax into sexual feelings. Read More...
This is when emotional openness and responsiveness, tender touch and erotic exploration all come together. This is the sex that fulfills, satisfies and connects. The key prerequisite here is not wild sexual techniques but a safe emotional bond. The safer we feel emotionally, the more we can communicate, express our needs, play and explore our responses and relax into sexual feelings. Read More...
Mood as a barometer of our relationship?
25/02/12
“He doesn’t have my back.” This is how Andrea described her relationship with Simon, with whom she had been living for four years. 'Andrea has the look of a fashion model, with short black hair, high cheekbones and rail thin frame. She always shows up for therapy in black. “We get along. And that’s enough for Simon. As long as he doesn’t have to go to bed alone. ... Simon hates to go to bed alone.” Read More...
Becoming an expert on each other
04/02/12
Focus on helping each other become experts on one another; there is a shared responsibility for the emotional regulation of our partner; we need to rely on our experience of them to build expertise on who they are. We will be more contented in our relationships if we become experts at identifying dysregulation in our partner and successfully attend to them, aiding them back to self-regulation. Read More...
Controlled separation
29/12/11
"I have a therapist who keeps interjecting her opinion & retracting it - one week she TELLS me to leave the guy, the next week she's ok that I didn't - adding to my confusion!, making my stuckness even worse."
Let us say that you do not want to abandon your partnership but would rather repair your coupling. Let us say your spouse is sitting on the fence, and both of you are waiting to see what happens next. Or you want to separate without making matters worse, without becoming bitter enemies. How is it possible to profit through transition? This one would require a structure with guidelines spelled out to reduce much of the guesswork. This structured separation would help each partner gain a fresh perspective on his and her marital impasse. Here was a means for Jill and Jim to take charge and regain control of themselves and their lives. Read More...
Let us say that you do not want to abandon your partnership but would rather repair your coupling. Let us say your spouse is sitting on the fence, and both of you are waiting to see what happens next. Or you want to separate without making matters worse, without becoming bitter enemies. How is it possible to profit through transition? This one would require a structure with guidelines spelled out to reduce much of the guesswork. This structured separation would help each partner gain a fresh perspective on his and her marital impasse. Here was a means for Jill and Jim to take charge and regain control of themselves and their lives. Read More...
Erotic imagination
02/12/11
"You can only let go with someone who you feel is solid and is not going to be too fragile and will be able to resist and welcome even the raw edge of your desire and your lust." Read More...
What does marital discord predict?
30/09/11
Marital distress is a powerful predictor of relapse from any medical or psychological treatment. A series of studies have shown that marital conflict alters physiological functioning. Hostile or abrasive behaviour during conflict markedly increases adverse physiological changes. In terms of morbidity (illness rates) and mortality (death through illness) women are more adversely affected than men. Read More...